For those who don’t know me personally, fiction writing is a somewhat new endeavor. I’ve worked as crime guy and columnist at the Southern Standard newspaper in McMinnville for nearly 25 years. My column, the Family Man, is far afield from my murder/mystery fiction writing. I usually write a funny ditty to start out the reader’s day since we are a morning paper. I’ve actually won a few awards for my humor columns over the years. Hope you enjoy this week’s offering. It’s about something use nearly middle-age guys can all identify with – that bald spot.
IT WAS THE MULLET, WASN’T IT
Just give it up guys. Take off those hats and let it breathe. Everyone knows what’s going on under there anyway. Why fight it?
Yes, I know. I have a bald spot right in the back of my head. Thanks for sharing. I never would have known otherwise. I appreciate the eye witness accounts.
And, given a bit of time, I’m pretty sure the receding hair-line on the front of my head with meet up with the spot on the back of my head leaving me looking like Murray from the Mary Tyler Moore Show. Those of you who got that one are rolling in laughter now. Those who didn’t, Google it.
Those of you who are loyal readers of my column know the origin of the bald spot that sits atop my head like a permanent yamaka. And, I’m not even Jewish as far as I know. If I were I could wear it every day and no one would have been the wiser.
Anyhow, the bald spot didn’t appear until I was around 40. Before that I had a full head of hair. No gaps, no spots and no problems. I actually had hair down past my shoulders back in college and, as far as I know, had the longest hair of any male in the summer graduation class of 1988 at Tennessee Tech. And, before you ask, it was a mullet – business in the front and party in the back, complete with permed locks that sat on my shoulders like light brown water falls cascading down my back. How’s that for redneck imagery? Show don’t tell.
Granted, I had no taste in hair styles even when I had a full head of hair. Perhaps I’m being punished now for my questionable taste back then. The hair gods have a way of exacting justice on folks like me who take their follicles for granted.
So, perhaps the reason for my balding, slow balding may I add, was misuse of the hair I once had. Bible scholars will recall the servant and who misused his single talent and what happened to him. Maybe I misused my hair by molding those golden locks into a mullet. I know now that mullets are an abomination.
I’ve long said the bald spot came as result of a horrible weight room accident but folks don’t seem to want to believe that. Maybe it’s punishment for wearing a mullet in the foolishness of my youth. The younger generation should take notice and learn from my mistake.
Kids, be careful. Don’t wear a mullet or someday you may get – the spot.